Mainstream
by azariag25
Summary: In a post Russell Edgington world our favorite vampires are forced to become more approachable and humanly. Enter Facebook.
1. Chapter 1: Sooookeh

** All Characters belong to Charlene Harris. I own nothing but the idea.**** Oh and the mistakes.****  
><strong>** Mainstream: Welcome to Facebook**

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse<strong> is now in a relationship with **Eric Northman**  
>(3 people like this)<p>

**Bill Compton**: Sookie?

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Go away cheater cheater pumpkin eater.

**Bill Compton**: Sookie thats so childish.

**Sookie Stackhouse**: ERIC STAY OFF MY FACEBOOK!

**Eric Northman**: I thought it was funny

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse<strong>updated her relationship status to complicated.

|**Eric Northman**: Its not complicated. Shall I explain the terms of our living conditions again?|

**Sookie Stackhouse**: I can still go to Jasons.

**Eric Northman**: Suppose he's dim enough to invite me in?

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Don't call him dim! He's...special.

(20 people like this)

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><p>|<strong>Bill Compton<strong>: Is so hungry...|

**Eric Northman**: Then why are you on Facebook?

(250 people like this)

**Bill Compton**: Why are we friends?

**Eric Northman**: Looks good to the humans.

**Pam Ravenscroft** is now friends with **Eric Northman**and 65 other people.

**Eric Northmamn**: Shouldn't you be at Fangtasia?

**Pam Ravenscorft**: I am...

**Eric Northman**: Shouldn't you be working?

**Pam Ravenscorft**: Shouldn't you be here instead of keeping Sookie locked in the bathroom?

**Bill Compton**likes this.

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><p><strong>Jason Stackhouse<strong>has joined Facebook.

(100 people like this)

**Lafayette Reynolds**has joined Facebook.

(600 people like this)

**Sookie Stackhouse**is now in a relationship with Sookie Stackhouse.

|**Jason Stackhouse:**Sook...you a lesbian now?|

**Sookie Stackhouse**: No Jason...no.

**Jason Stackhouse**: Then how you gone be in a relationship with ya self?

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Shouldn't you be at work Jason?

**Jason Stackhouse**: Oh shoot...see ya tomorrow Sook.

**Bill Compton**: He is...very special Sookie.

(50 people like this)

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><p><strong>Pam Ravenscorft<strong>: Has someone thought Bill how to pronounce Sookie yet?

**Bill Compton**: What on earth are you talking about Pam?

**Pam Ravenscorft**: Sooooookeh

(1,432 people like this)

**Bill Compton**: I hate you.

**Pam Ravenscorft**likes this.

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><p>|<strong>Lafayette Reynolds:<strong>Where my hookas at?|

**Sookie Stackhouse**: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO GET ON!

**Lafayette Reynolds**: Haven't you heard of textin?

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Eric is holding my cell captive. I won't fight him for it...I think he likes it.

**Eric Northman**likes this.

**Lafayette Reynolds**: Girl you need to get out tha house.

**Eric Northman**: I have an invite to your home as well before you start giving advice.

**Jason Stackhouse**: Rescant his invite La!

**Lafayette Reynolds**likes this.

**Eric Northman:**...you are so special...

(695 people like this.)

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><p>|<strong>Sookie Stackhouse<strong>: Wishes **Bill Compton**would stop calling me Sookeh. |

**Bill Compton**: Eric get off Sookie's facebook.

**Eric Northman**: I'm not on it. Shouldn't you be on T.V in your Jersey Shore spray tan?

**Bill Compton**: I am your king Eric!

**Eric Northman: **King of Jersey maybe. Is it t-shirt time sire?

**Sookie Stackhouse**: PAM! JESSICA!

(80 people likes this)

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse<strong> likes_ 'Vampires won't get off my lawn'_and five other groups.

**Eric Northman** has created_ 'Fangtasia, we want you and not for dinner.'_

**Jason Stachouse** likes_ 'I know a werewolf...really...don't put me in the mental place' and 6 other pages._

**Pam Ravenscorft** has created_ 'Sookie stay away from my maker!' _and _'Soookeh...help Bill Compton learn to speak.'_

(2,000 people like this.)

* * *

><p>|<strong>Pam Ravenscorft<strong>: Baby sitting Soooookeh.|

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Shut up Pam!

**Pam Ravenscorft**: Don't make me put you in the corner Sooookeh.

**Sookie Stackhouse**: That wasn't funny the first time Pam!

**Eric Northman**and 45 other people like this.

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><p><strong>|Eric Northman:<strong>Wants to kill Edward Cullen|

**Sookie Stackhouse**: Jealous

**Sookie Stackhouse**has changed her last name to Cullen.

**Sookie Cullen**: I wouldn't mind some glitter and to have a boyfriend out in the sun.

**Eric Northman**: Well you had Bill Compton he was drinking enough to walk in the sun.

**Sookie Cullen**: Low blow Eric! Now you have to sleep in the basement!

**Bill Compton:**I wasn't with Sookie for her blood.

**Sookie Cullen** has changed her named to **Soooookeh Cullen**

(200 people like this)

**Bill Compton**: Ha ha.

* * *

><p><strong>Sooooookeh Cullen<strong> has tagged **Eric Northman**, **Bill Compton**, and 50 others in a video.

**Eric Northman**: Sookie!

**Bill Compton**: Eric...during this post Russel...lmao what were you thinking?

(10 people like this)

**Soooookeh Cullen**: Give me my cellphone or else. I have other videos Eric!

**Pam Ravenscorft**: I vote you post them.

(100 people like this)

**Soooookeh Cullen**: Eric is so pretty oh so pretty!

**Lafayette Reynolds**: So pretty and witty!

(150 people like this)

**Jason Stackhouse**: Dude...all that because you were getting dressed?

**Eric Northman**: I went shopping...got a hair cut...shut up.

**Sooookeh Cullen**: He's a lady face vamp.

**Eric Northman** has changed his name to **Eric "Lady face vamp" Northman**.

(6000 people like this)

* * *

><p><strong>Jessica Hamby<strong>has joined Facebook.

**Sooookeh Cullen**and 60 others like this.

**Jessica Hamby**: **ERIC NORTHMAN** AND** PAM RAVENSCORFT**LOOOOVE RENNNNT!

**Jessica Hamby** has tagged **Eric Northman, Sooookeh Cullen, Lafayette Reynolds,**and 50 others in a video.

**Eric "Lady face vamp" Northman**: Pam made me! You were there **Sooookeh Cullen**help me.

**Sooookeh Cullen** has changed name to **Sookie Stackhouse**.

**Sookie Stackhouse**: I got confused...

**Eric "lady face vamp" Northman**: Special family...stand up for me.

**Bill Compton**: This is a great campaign for how normal Vampires are Eric...if we could get you on stage.

**Eric "lady face vamp" Northman** has changed his name to I will Murder you **Bill Compton.****  
><strong>**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong> READ,REVIEW, LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW! I'LL ADD MORE VERY SOON!<br>**


	2. Chapter 2:Its my world & I let you live

**I own nothing. Charlene Harris is the genius I just nest in her brain. **

**I'm going to be posting a new chapter every sunday or random days of boredom.**

**Now...Enter Facebook**

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><p><strong>Jessica Hamby <strong>is now married to **Pam Ravenscroft.**

**|Hoyt Fortenberry: **Jess that wasn't funny last night at Fangtasia.

**Jessica Hamby: **I wasn't joking. Pam is hot.

**Jessica Hamby **has changed her name to **Jessica Ravenscroft.**

**Pam Ravenscroft **likes this.

**Hoyt Fortenberry: **DISLIKE! Jessica I thought you were cooking tonight? I got steak and everything.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Sorry puppy ears. Jess is mine tonight. I don't expect her to cook.

**Jessica Ravenscroft: **Or get me coupon books.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **So it isn't stick ball cards? Weird meat bag.

**Hoyt Fortenberry: **Hey, my mama coupons! She got a club and everything.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **You really live with this mamas boy?

**Jessica Ravenscorft: **Just walk away.

* * *

><p><strong>I will kill you Bill Compton <strong>changed his name to **Sookies B word Vamp**

**|Bill Compton: **I'm glad you've come to terms with this Eric.|

**Sookies B word Vamp: **I had to feel your spot Bill. Your side of Sookies bed was getting warm.

(256 people like this)

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Shush Northman. You lost a bet. You speak when I say.

(**Bill Compton **likes this.)

**Sookies B word Vamp: **Dislike!

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Shush B word Eric.

**Bill Compton: **I'm glad we didn't play those games Sookie.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **No one told you to speak.

**Bill Compton: **She's gone mad with power.

* * *

><p><strong>Pam Ravenscroft <strong>has created _Its MY world I just LET you live in it. _

|**Jessica Ravenscroft: **Hmph...our world.|

**Pam Ravenscroft **has created _Jessica don't pout before I divorce you._

(400 people like this)

**Sookies B word Vamp: **Have you two...bonded?

**Bill Compton: **God help us all.

**Jessica Ravenscroft: **And ask him to give you a new haircut.

(79 people like this)

**Pam Ravenscroft: ***Cyber high five*

**Jessica Ravenscroft: **YEAH CYBER LOOVE!

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>GIRL NIGHT AT MY HOUSE!|

**Jessica Ravenscroft: ** I'll be there with bells on.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **And fangs dropped.

(**Sookie Stackhouse **likes this)

**Sookies B word Vamp: **Delicious!

**Sookie Stackhouse: **NO BOYS OR VAMPIRES! You can change your name back if you don't crash.

**Jessica Ravenscroft: **If he comes in we can shave his head!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **No I spend too much time on that hair. WE CAN DYE IT!

**Sookie Stackhouse: **What do you say B word Eric?

**Sookies B word Vamp **has changed his name to **Eric Northman.**

**Eric Northman: **I don't want to...but deal...

**Lafayette Reynolds: **I'll bring the booze and my sexy self!

**Eric Northman: **Why does he get to be there?

...

**Eric Northman: **I know yall are still on here.

* * *

><p><strong>|Jason Stackhouse: <strong>Theres some chick on here name Tony that looks just like Tara.

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Boy you done bumped yo head.

**Jason Stackhouse: **I'm serious Lafayette!

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Honey chillleee...go take a nap.

**Jason Stackhouse: **I'll prove it. Just wait.

**Lafayette Reynolds: **He's been around Andy too long.

(200 people like this)

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Stachouse <strong>has posted an album '_Sleepover nightmare!'_

**Jessica Ravencroft **is now bitterly divorced.

**Pam Ravenscroft **is happily divorced.

**Jessica Ravenscroft **has changed her name to **Jessica Hamby.**

**Sookie Stackhouse **is now married to **Pam Ravenscroft.**

**Lafayette Reynolds: **You hookas is crazy.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Doesn't Pam look great in a pink sun dress?

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Sookie! Take down that pictures before I divorce you.

**Jessica Hamby: **Leave it up! Its so precious. Shes adorable.

(100 people like this)

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Whats on Lafayettes face in that last one?

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Paint. I felt like a kitty.

(25 people like this)

**Bill Compton: **I see you captured Eric...I tried to warn him

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You're next William Compton!

**Eric Northman: **I thought a panty raid would have been fun.

**Bill Compton: **How did you get him tied to a chair?

**Jessica Hamby: **We promised him a lap dance. It got weird...some faces got paint...pictures got taken...a goat somehow got involved.

**Pam Ravencroft: **Where did that goat come from?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **So I did see a goat...

**Pam Ravenscroft: **I demand you change your last name now.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **No I am a modern woman!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Makes me want to be interested in men...women these days.


	3. Chapter 3: Saucy

**ANOTHER FACEBOOK SESSION FOR OUR FAVORITE PEOPLE. I OWN NOTHING! ENJOY! REVIEW! SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS!**

**Sookie Ravenscroft: **Is feeling saucy.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **...Are you trying to entice vampries? *Fang drop*

**Sookie Ravenscroft **changed her name to **Sookie Stackhouse.**

**Sookie Stackhouse **is happily divorced.

**Pam Ravenscroft **is confusingly divorced.

**Eric Northman: **Is getting as confused as Jason looking in a brown paper bag.

**(19 people like this)**

**Sookie Stackhouse: **DISLIKE!

* * *

><p><strong>Pam Ravenscroft: <strong>Would like to encourage fangbangers to stay out my club.

**Eric Northman: **Aw leave the bangers alone.

**Jessica Hamby: **They're not hurting anyone.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You would know.

**Jessica Hamby: **Shut up Sook!

**Hoyt F: **What's that mean?

* * *

><p><strong>Bill Compton: <strong>Has put a lock on his bedroom door. Too many surprises.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Oh shut up King Bill.

**Bill Compton: **Sookie...don't call me that.

**Eric Northman: **He prefers sire.

**Jessica Hamby**: Or majesty.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **I prefer King Tool.

(100 people like this)

**Bill Compton: **I will block you.

* * *

><p><strong>Lafayette Reynolds <strong>has posted a new album, '_The mohawk'_

**|Picture comments|**

**Sookie Stackhouse: **It looks like a skunk left his tail on your head.

**Jessica Hamby: **You should ask for your money back they didn't finish.

**Hoyt F.: **lmao...HA HA HA HA

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Even I can't top the insult of that haircut.

**Eric Northman: **Horrible.

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Fang banger. Dead. Dumb. Hooka. Creepa. Off my page.

* * *

><p><strong>Jessica Hamby <strong>has posted a new album, _'Bill all punk rock'_

**Sookie Stackhouse: **LMAO I am so glad I know this!

**Bill Compton: **Jessica where did you get those?

**Hoyt F.: **Now I thought vampires couldn't take pictures.

**Jessica Hamby: **Stop honey...just stop. You been around Jason too long.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **So Bill has a bad side, how lovely.

**Eric Northman: **Bad taste in clothes.

**Bill Compton: **Take them down!

**Jessica Hamby **has taken down album.

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>Has anyone seen Jason?

**Lafayette Reynolds: **No.

**Jessica Hamby: **No. He's cute though.

**Hoyt F.: **Jess! Nah Sook we ain't seen him.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **He must be busy at the station or something.

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>Tara is back! Ice cream social!

**T.T: **Feels good to be home...even though yall crazier than before.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Do think FB has made it too easy to access each others lives...oh Jason saw a Toni that looks just like you.

**T.T: **Ain't that nothing...

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Pass the remote.

* * *

><p><strong>Lafayette Reynolds <strong>has joined, _'Vampires, Werewolves, Vampires oh my!' _and 10 other groups.

**Sookie Stackhouse **likes, _'Goats always come to wild parties.' _

**Pam Ravenscroft **likes, _'Sookie doesn't like to knock.' _

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Dislike.

* * *

><p><strong>Bill Compton: <strong>Likes telling Eric what to do.

**Pam Ravenscroft: ** You would. Power hungry tool.

**Bill Compton: **Respect me puppet.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Bite me punky brewster.

**Bill Compton: **With pleasure.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Bring it Compton.

**Bill Compton: **Wait...why hasn't Eric said anything...where is he?

**Pam Ravenscroft: **That's weird...

Sorry its so short. But my RL FB conversations have been lacking in true entertainment to mock. I'll post again this week.


	4. Chapter 4: Psychopathic Frat Boy

[Sorry I'm posting so late. I use a lot of my real life FB convo and it was lacking but the heat is finally back up. I want to let everyone know I would love some suggestions for conversation. I wanna stay as close to the episodes as possible while giving them some computer time]

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>I really hate frat boys...stupid psychopathic frat boys.

_45 people like this. _

**|Sookie Stackhouse: **Is going to take advantage of my current situation.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **And how would you be doing that?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You'll see. Just tweaking a few things. muwahahahahhaha.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **And yes I just evil typed at you.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **You Sookie Stackhouse are nuts.

_100 people like this. _

**Sookie Stackhouse: **And every betta recognize!

_120 people like this._

**|Bill Compton: **Is getting really fed up with **Eric Northman.|**

**Pam Ravenscroft: **He's been fed up with you.

**Bill Compton: **Where is your maker?

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Working for you...have you lost him William?

**Bill Compton: **That is none of your concern. I have to go.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Score one for the tiffanys girl.

_400 people like this._

* * *

><p><strong>Lafayette Reynolds <strong>likes, '_Girl...I need to get out of here.', 'I vote for the vampire in any fight.' _

**Lafayette Reynolds **has created, '_Beyotches hate on the mohawk!'_

_(2,345 people like this)_

**Andy Bellefleur **has joined Facebook.

_(__**Andy Bellefleur **__likes this.)_

**Andy Bellefleur: **Wants to drain the world of V...um yep.

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Stackhouse <strong>has changed name to **EikooS Esuohkcats**.|

**Jessica Hamby: **Bored?

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Yes I was thinking of going to fang bang at Fangtasia.

**Jessica Hamby: **I don't like your jokes Sook!

**Hoyt F: **What she talking about?

**Jessica Hamby: **Nothing.

**EikooS Esuohkcats** : Hmphy

**|EikooS Esuohkcats**: Is drunk and this is fun!

**Bill Compton: **Sookie?

**Pam Ravencroft: **Don't you mean Sookie?

**Andy Bellefleur: **One of them vamps get to you? We'll drai...arrest them.

...

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Why is Andy on my friends list?

**EikooS Esuohkcats** has deleted and blocked **Andy Bellefluer.**

* * *

><p><strong>|EikooS Esuohkcats<strong>: Knock KNOCK|

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Who's there?

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Little Girl!

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Little Girl who?

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Little girl who can't reach the counter.

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: HAHAHAHAHAHA

(2.345 people like this)

* * *

><p><strong>Psychopathic Frat Boy <strong>has joined Facebook.

**Psycopatchic Frat Boy **is now friends with **EikooS Esuohkcats** **, Bill Compton, Pam Ravenscroft, and 400 others. **

**|Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Not allowed to add pictures.

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: Exactly! Stay away from those cameras.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Its for the best...

**Bill Compton: **Who are you?

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: He's going to bed now. Stop talking **Psychopathic Frat Boy. **

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Sorry.

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: And stop saying sorry...annoying frat boy.

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Sorry...uh oops.

**EikooS Esuohkcats**: **Pam Ravenscroft **will be here shortly.

**Bill Compton: **What is going on here?

...

**Bill Compton: **Y'all are still here...I see you in the chat...

**Bill Compton: **Haha really funny.

* * *

><p><strong>Psychopathic Frat Boy: <strong>Sookie doesn't like me.

**EikooS Esuohkcats: **Aw of course I do...just not when you walk around naked.

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Pam said you wouldn't mind.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **She didn't mind. She was flushed for hours.

**EikooS Esuohkcats: **Go. Away. Fang face.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **You should always be naked.

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Is getting naked.

**EikooS Esuohkcats: **PAM!

**Bill Compton: **Seriously what is going on here?

**EikooS Esuohkcats: **Shh no one talk to Bill.

...

...

...

...

**Bill Compton: **I hate you all.

* * *

><p>[Sorry for the short post. I will add another chapter tomorrow. Especially if I get some ideas from yall. Remember I own nothing but the netbook I'm typing on. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews make me dance]<p> 


	5. Chapter 5: No more games!

[Making up for that super late post.}

* * *

><p><strong>|Psychopathic Frat Boy: <strong>I think Sookie has some control issues.

**EookiS EsuohkcatS **has changed name to **Sookie Stackhouse.**

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Thinks you need to shut up.

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Sorry but...you made my facebook page...dressed me...combed my hair and charged me 10,000 dollars for all of it.

(200 people like this.)

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You just got pwned!

(150 people like this.)

**|Bill Compton: **Sookie who is that man?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Shh stay away from Bill.

**Bill Compton: **This is getting old Sookie.

**Bill Compton: **REALLY?

* * *

><p><strong>|Pam Ravenscroft: <strong>Short trouble causing blond, brown eyes, head strong, annoying, never knocks, and dresses like a preschool teacher. If you're interested **Sookie Stackhouse.|**

(250 people like this)

**Sookie Stackhouse **is now friends with 400 new people.

**Sookie Stackhouse: Pam Ravenscroft **annoying fang face with black leather for work and a secret passion for dressing like Mrs. Brady.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **That was a secret Sookie!

**Psychpathic Frat Boy: **You dress like Mrs. Brady? Can I see?

**Pam Ravenscroft: **No.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Well you do need to listen.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **SHUT UP!

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **Why should she?

**Bill Compton: **Yes why should she?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Everyone shush.

* * *

><p><strong>|Bill Compton: <strong>Feels like someone is hiding something from me.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **We're trying but you don't give up!

**Bill Compton: **And what are you hiding?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You're not my king Mr. Situation.

**Bill Compton: **Situation?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Jersey Shore.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Score one for Sookie Stackhouse!

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie stackhouse: <strong>DOES SOOKIE RUN THIS MOTHER!

**Lafayette Reynolds: **DOES LALA RUN THIS MOTHER!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Whos mother are you running?

(65 people like this)

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Don't like it! Tell me!

(165 people like this)

* * *

><p><strong>|Pam Ravenscroft <strong>has invited **Sookie Stackhouse, Psychopathic Frat Boy, Lafayette Reynolds, Jessica Hamby, **and **50 **others to play Framville.

**Pam Ravenscroft **has invited **Sookie Stackhouse, Psychopathic Frat Boy, Lafayette Reynolds, Jessica Hamby, **and **80 **others to play **Mafia Wars. **

**Pam Ravencroft **has invited **Sookie Stackhouse, Psychopathic Frat Boy, Lafayette Reynolds, Jessica Hamby, **and **100 **others to **Diamond Dash **

**Pam Ravenscroft **has invited **Sookie Stackhouse, Psychopathic Frat Boy, Lafayette Reynolds, Jessica Hamby, **and ** 65 **others to play **Cafe world.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Stackhouse <strong>has created group '_Sign the petition to stop Pam Ravenscroft from playing games.' _

**Lafayette Reynolds, Bill Compton, Jessica hamby, Psychopathic Frat Boy, **and **600 **others have joined this group.

**|Pam Ravenscroft: **Thinks **Sookie Stackhouse **is just so funny.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Thank you! Thank you!

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Gurrrrl look at all the people on the petition.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Look outside your window. (Posted via iphone)


	6. Chapter 6: Telepathic Vamp Wars

**A/N:Sorry for the wait the show has taken an awesome serious turn so I'm gonna just stat picking up from the end of each FB post. So I'm kinda done following the show. And Eric will stay Psychopathic Frat Boy until it stops being funny.**

* * *

><p><strong>|Psychopathic Frat boy: <strong>Likes seeing Pam Ravenscroft dressed like a Brady.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Shut up.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **It was beautifully vivid.

**Psychopathic Frat boy: **Can I put up the pictures?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **NO!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Smooth.

**|Sookie Stackhouse **has tagged **Pam Ravenscroft in '**_**My Weird Friends' **_**album|**

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Gurl...you rockin them pastels!

**Jessica Hamby: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Jason Stackhouse: **She's dressed just like Mrs. Fortenberry.

**Hoyt F: **Mama does have that outfit.

**Pam Ravenscroft: **SOOKIE!

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Sookie: 1 - Pam: 0

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Its war telepath!

* * *

><p><strong>|Lafayette Reynolds has joined, '<strong>_**Telepathic Vamp Wars' **_

**Jessica Hamby: **I put my money on Sookie.

**Lafayette Reynolds: **I put my money on Pam.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **LAFAYETTE!

**Lafayette Reynonds: **ITS A VAMPIRE SOOKIE!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Good boy.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You turned my gayby against me?

**Pam Ravenscroft: **All tied up Sookie.

**Lafayette Reynolds: **Gayby?

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Not anymore!

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>Call 318-555-1214 for a vamp bite.

_**4 hours ago. **_

**Pam Ravenscroft: **Sookie Stackhouse! I am gonna drain you.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Bring it!

**Pam Ravencroft: **ALL YOU BANGERS STOP CALLING ME!

**Psychopathic Frat Boy: **She seems angry.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **She is angry my pretty.

**Psychopathic Frat Boy **has changed his name to** Sookies Pretty.**

**Pam Ravenscroft: **You've broken him!

* * *

><p><strong>Bill Compton: <strong>Sookie I would love to come out and meet this guy.

**Sookie Stackhouse**: I bet you would.

**Bill Compton**: I feel like I know him.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **I feel annoyed.

**|Bill Compton: **Feels ignored.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **When people feel ignored they go away.

**Bill Compton: **You've gotten aggressive Sookie.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **You've gotten ugly with your eagle boy hair cut**.|**

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Stackhouse: <strong>Has been hacked by Pam Ravenscroft.

**Bill Compton: **I knew you wouldn't pick on my haircut.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **I never said I wouldn't...but not on Facebook.

**Bill Compton: **Pam get off Sookies page!

**Pam Ravenscroft: **I'm not on it...sire.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **I think sire sounds weird.

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookies Pretty: <strong>Has watched the entire series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer...I must say its hilarious.

**Sookie Stackhouse:** I heard you laughing.

**Sookies Pretty: **Its absurb to believe a girl in high school with a stake can kill vampires...and she kills mostly zombies. It should be the Zombie Slayer.

**Jason Stackhouse: **Amen brother. Sook I like him.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Shush

**Sookies Pretty: **I'm just saying...why is it shes called a vampire slayer...she seems to like vampires.

**Jason Stackhouse: **Yeah.

**Sookie Stackhouse: **Oh God...are you wearing Jasons hat too tight? Stop agreeing.

**Pam Ravencroft: **Broke him.


	7. Chapter 7: That was weird

**A/N: Give me ideas in reviews and if I like it I'll add you to the story. A few things, little quotes , I wanna see if you can guess it. **

**|Sookies Pretty: **Sookie is ripped.

**iPam: **What?

**Sookies Pretty: **Sookie is ripped. Abs. Roar.

**iPam: **...oh dear

**iBookClub: **ERIC!

**Bill Compton: **Eric...Northman?

**Sookies Pretty: **Yes.

**iPam: **Great...I'll be right there.

**iBookClub: **I rescend all vampire invites.

**Sookies Pretty: **I thought it was my house.

**iBookClub: **Shut up Eric.

* * *

><p><strong>|iBookClub: <strong>I know your type tall blond and dead.

**Officer Stackhouse: **There are vamps on your lawn.

**LaLa: **Ringtone beyotches!

**Redhead Monster: **What?

**iBookClub: **.com/watch?v=0N1_0SUGlDQ

**iPam: **I don't like zombies.

**LaLa: **I wonder why.

**iPam: **So brave behind a computer. He moves faster than me when he's scared.

**LaLa: **You know it hooka.

* * *

><p><strong>LaLa <strong>has created the page, _Worst moments in Bon Temp. _

**iBookClub, Officer Stackhouse, and 60 **others have joined.

**|Arlene Bellefleur: **Maxine Fortenberry and her make up.

**Lala: **LORD! Did you see that hair? Child!

**iBookClub: **What happened?

**Arlene Bellefleur: **She walks in. Orders some Miller tall boys and tequila shots. She looked ill. Poor thing.

**Sergent Terry: **She seemed out of it.

**Lala: **She looked a hot mess.

**Hoyt F. : **When did this happen?

[_3 hours ago]_

**Hoyt F. : **Come on guys!

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookies Pretty: <strong>Showers with Sookie.

**iBookClub: **PRIVATE MOMENTS ERIC!

**Bill Compton **has changed his name to **iKingbill.**

**iKingbill: **Please spare us the details.

**Sookies Pretty: **No detail. She fell out.

**iPam: **HAHAHAHA what?

**iBookClub: **I'll put you outside Eric Winifred Northman!

**iKingbill: **Winifred?

**iBookClub: **He won't tell me his middle name so I make it up.

**Sookies Pretty: **Yesterday it was Eugene.

**iPam: **Its Lief.

**iBookClub: **HA!

**Sookies Pretty: **Great...

* * *

><p><strong>|T.T: <strong>Somebody needs to call the COPS! SOMEONE HELP!

**LaLa: **Where you at girl?

**T.T: **Moongoddess Emporium.

_[6 hours ago]_

**T.T: **LAFAYETTE!

* * *

><p><strong>Worst Moments in Bon Temp: <strong>

**|iBookClub: **Poor Waylon and the latter accident.

**LaLa: **What happened to him?

**Officer Stackhouse: **He fell off it.

**iBookClub: **Some people went in and yelled Waylon.

**Sergent Terry: **And he said 'Oh no shes back!' Boom. Heart attack.

**LaLa: **Wonder who she was.

* * *

><p><strong>|Redhead Monster: <strong>THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!

**iPam: **Travel down the road and back again.

**iBookClub: **Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confident.

**LaLa: **And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew.

**Alrene Bellefluer: **You would see the biggest gift would be from me

**iKingbill: **And the card attached would say.

**Sookies Pretty: **Thank you for being a friend.

_[2 hours ago]_

**Redhead Monster: **Awkward.

* * *

><p>AN thats it for now. review. share ideas. w00t


	8. Chapter 8: Golden Star Wars

A/N two in one day...what? YES!

* * *

><p><strong>|iBookClub <strong>has changed name to **Sookie Zbornak. **

**iPam **has changed name to **Pam Petrillo **

**Redhead Monster **has changed name to **Jessica Nylund **

**LaLa **has changed name to **Lala Deveraux. |**

**|Jessica Nylund: **Why do I have to be dumb one?

**Pam Petrillo: **I can answer that.

**Sookie Zbornak: **Be nice ma!

**Lala Deveraux: **I like being a slut baby.

**Pam Petrillo: **Slut puppy.

**Jessica Nylund: **Is there even a real St. Olaf?

**Pam Petrillo: **Answered your own question.

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookies Pretty <strong>changed name to **Easy Mac Northman.**

**iKingbill: **Easy Mac?

**Easy Mac Northman: **Yes. I am hot like easy mac.

**Pam Petrillo: **And cheesy.

**Sookie Zbornak: **Aw I love the new name Easy.

**Easy Mac Northman: **Thanks Zborny.

**Jessica Nylund: **I want a nickname.

**Easy Mac Northman: **Dummy.

**Pam Petrillo: **Titmouse

**Lala Deveraux: **Class a all around nerd.

**Jessica Nylund: **I hate you all.

**iKingbill: **Helmet head.

**Jessica Nylund: **Such a great maker.

* * *

><p><strong>Sookie Zbornak <strong>has created album **Bon Temp Golden Girls. **

**|picture comments:**

**Hoyt F: **I will see vampire pam the same again.

**Office stackhouse: **Is this really what yall do?

**Easy Mac Northman: **Yes...all night. They take pictures and watch this show.

**iKingbill: **And for some reason they get cheesecake delievered by the pounds.

**Arlene Bellefluer: **I WANNA PLAY!

**Sergent Terry: **Oh no...I don't like cheesecake.

**Hoyt F: **This is sad...even to me.

* * *

><p><strong>|Easy Mac Northman: <strong>Star Wars is AWESOME!

**iKingbill **has changed name to **Bill Skywalker **

**Bill Skywalker: **Pwned!

**Easy Mac Northman **has changed name to **Darth Viking **

**Darth Viking: **I want a saber!

**Officer Stackhouse **has changed name to **Obi Jason Kanobi **

**Obi Jason Kanobi: **I say we hunt for some big fella.

**Hoyt F. **has changed name to **C3PHoytYo**

**C3PHoytYo: **I know wheresome are. RACE YA!

* * *

><p><strong>Worst Moments in Bon Temp:<strong>

**Sookie Zbornak: **The video of Jason riding on Erics back to the comic book store.

**Lala Deveraux: **Hoyt on Bills sholders waving a cane.

**Jessica Nylund: **Jason falling off and breaking a 1000 dollars in toys.

**Pam Petrillo: **Them playing with the sabers in the middle of the street holding up traffic.

**Sookie Zbornak: **If this doesn't prove vampires are normal nothing will.

**Pam Petrillo: **Do we really want them as a sponser us?

**Jessica Nylund: **Oh no they're weird.

**Lala Deveraux: **Thats a sack of cold chestnuts missy and you know. Y'all are just as weird.

* * *

><p>AN: Obviously watching too much Golden Girls.


	9. Chapter 9: King Jedi

A/N: HAPPY SUNDAY FELLOW TRUE BLOOD SPAZOIDS

* * *

><p><strong>|Sookie Zbornak <strong>has changed name to **Sookie. **

**Pam Petrillo **has changed name to **PamBrady**

**Jessica Nylund **has changed name to **Jessy Rex**

**Lala Deveraux **has changed name to **LaLa**

**Obi Jason Kanobi **has changed name to **Officer Stackhouse**

**C3PHoytYo **has changed name to **Hoyt F**

**Bill Skywalker **has changed name to **Billy the kid |**

* * *

><p><strong>Worst Moments in Bon Temp:<strong>

**|Sookie: **The lightsaber war.

**LaLa: **Traffic for an hour.

**Merlotte Redhead: **My younguns just sat in the car and cheered.

**Sergent Terry: **Best battle in years.

**Office Stackhouse: **It was police business.

**Jessy Rex: **You fight with sabers for police business?

**Darth Viking: **I AM KING JEDI!

**Billy the kid: **You won by default.

**PamBrady: **I thought he won by using a crotch shot?

_(3 hours ago)_

**Darth Viking: **Once again KING JEDI!

* * *

><p><strong>|PamBrady: <strong>What do you call a broken vampire?

**Darth Viking: **What?

**PamBrady: Sookie **ex boyfriend.

**Sookie: **What do you call a zombie vampire?

**PamBrady: **Watch it.

**Sookie: **Spell struck.

**LaLa: **I GET IT!

**Officer Stackhouse: **I don't...

**Hoyt F: **Me either.

**Jessy Rex: **Idiots.

* * *

><p><strong>|Darth Viking <strong>has changed name to **Sparkle Vampire.**

**PamBrady: **Are you serious?

**Sparkle Vampire: **Why not?

**PamBrady: **Vampires don't sparkle!

**Sookie: **We've been over this...

**PamBrady: **Fix my maker.

**Sookie: **No I like him cuddly and broody.

**Billy the kid: **Damn Stephine Meyers.

**Jessy Rex: **Lets go bite off her face.

**Sparkle Vampire: **NO!

**PamBrady: **He's broken forever.

* * *

><p><strong>Nan Flan <strong>has joined Facebook.

**Nan Flan **is now friends with, **Sookie, Billy the kid, Sparkle Vampire, **and **50 **others.

**|Nan Flan: **After the traffic jam and broken toys I'm here to supervise.

**Jessy Rex: **All hierarchy rules don't apply on FB!

**Sparkle Vampire: **EXACTLY!

**Nan Flan: **Why is your name Sparkle Vampire?

**Sparkle Vampire: **Because...I...Sparkle!

**Nan Flan: **What happened to you?

**PamBrady: **Sookie broke him.

**Sookie: **I like him better this way. He's my teddy bear.

* * *

><p><strong>|Worst Moments in Bon Temp:|<strong>

**LaLa: **Dressed like a bridemade at Sookies house.

**Sookie: **That was a weird night.

**Merlotte Redhead: **I don't even remember how I got there.

**Officer Stackhouse: **Yep, it was wild.

**Sookie: **Y'all were worshipping an egg.

**Sergent Terry: **An egg?

**Sookie: **A rotten egg.

**Jessy Rex: **What goes on in this town?

**Sookie: **Way too much...it was weird even before vampires.

**Jessy Rex: **Now thats...wild.

* * *

><p><strong>|PamBrady: <strong>Brady Bunch marathon!

**LaLa: **...wow you dress like Mrs. Brady and you watch marathons.

**Sookie: **In my living room...vampire do not live here!

**Sparkle Vampire: **I own this place...shes my progeny...its her TV.

**LaLa: **Brady Bunch is lame. WHO WANTS TO CAMP?

**Jessy Rex: **ME ME ME

**Hoyt F: **I can't with the monster there.

**Officer Stackhouse: **Come on it'll be fun.

**Sparkle Vampire: **I'm going!

**Nan Flan: **I'll baby sit.

**Billy the kid: **I'll bring marshmellows.

**PamBrady: **OFF MY WALL! GOD!

* * *

><p><strong>LaLa <strong>has posted **'Camping Nightmares' **photo album.

**Billy the kid: **Why is Eric covered in mud?

**Sookie: **He was hunting...

**LaLa: **Take note of the sharpened stick in his hand.

**Jessy Rex: **And his loin cloth.

**PamBrady: **And Jasons matching loin cloth.

**Nan Flan: **Why have they bonded?

**Sookie: **Something about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

**Sparkle Vampire: **I CAUGHT THE DEER!

**Officer Stackhouse: **With my bow and arrow!

**PamBrady: **You mean the stick and shoe string?

**Billy the kid: **So creative. He gets a smiley face sticker.

**Officer Stackhouse: **Score!

**Sparkle vampire: **NO FAIR!

**LaLa: **Its 1 in the morning...stop commenting this picture. If my phone rings again I'll put up the video.

_(3 hours ago) _

**LaLa: **Thats what I thought!

* * *

><p><strong>Worst Moments in Bon Temp: <strong>

**Sookie: **Worst Vampire moments!

**Jessy Rex: **Bill moving super fast and hitting a pole

**Sookie: **Vampires trying to glamour me!

**Billy the kid: **Jessica!

**PamBrady: **Eric watching Twilight at Fangtasia

**Eric: **Pam pretending to be Hermione Granger!

**LaLa: **Worst Vampire names.

**Office Stackhouse: **Bill.

**Jessy Rex: **Bill.

**Hoyt F: **Bill.

**Sookie: **Bill.

**Eric: **Bill.

**PamBrady: **Bill.

**LaLa: **Bill.

**BIlly the kid: **Rude!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Next one will have a lot of lame jokes. Check it out. **


	10. Chapter 10: WHAT

A/N: After the end of season 4 I can not continue with this story. It breaks my heart to even think about the next season. There is no joke that I can tell or think of to make this situation better. I hope you don't feel like cheated puppy dogs. But think about this, we all saw the sad death of he and she who can not be named (in case you didn't see it) and we all saw some magic get traded like pokemon cards so maybe a certain demon can do something. But remember the demon is dark and evil, so wishing for a safe and happy return can only end in tragedy.

**The ****Authority**: At this time we would like to say that accounts of **Bill Compton, Eric Northman, Pam Ravenscroft, Jessica Hamby, **and **Nan Flanagan **have been shut down. Any vampire seen on the Facebook will be brought forth for punishment. Thank you.

The end...maybe?


	11. Chapter 11: What continued

A/N: Reviews got to me. So I have to say that it isn't gonna end. I really was gonna just leave it. But I have started something. So from this point forward I will continue the other story. The vampires are gonna continue to mainstream as if nothing has happened. So I am gonna just start another one. So look out for...

Mainstream: Special Edition


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